Either way, Gossip Girl (henceforth known as Gigi) decided to teach me how to carve a swan out of an apple. Apparently, it’s possible to carve many different kinds of animals into a wide variety of fruits, but we stuck to one species tonight.
She learned this in 7th grade, which I feel was a little too early considering how many fingers we almost lost. But here’s how it happened:
Step 1: Assemble the ingredients. (Step 1a: Discover that the apples you bought 11 months ago when you moved into your apartment have finally gone mushy. Step 1b: Panic. Step 1c: Drive to Safeway at 9 p.m. and buy nothing but three Braeburns. Contemplate getting some paper towels but decide against it.)
Step 2: Wash the apples. Don’t forget to remove the sticker! You don’t want your swan to have a tattoo.
Step 3: Get a knife. The sharpness of the knife depends on how much you trust your fine motor skills.
Step 4: Make a base for your apple. This will help with the not-cutting-your-fingers-off part of the project.
(A good blogger would have photo documentation of all of these steps. I, however, was lazy.)
Step 5: Carve the head. Make a notch-y thing in your apple, opposite the base. Remove the apple piece now filling said notch-y thing. Cut it into a sort of neck shape with a beak-type thing attached to the top.
Step 6: Carve the wings. This involves all sorts of voodoo magic and near-amputations.
Step 7: MARVEL AT THE WONDER YOU HAVE CREATED. Gigi’s apple is on the right, and the student apples are on the left. (Mine is the far left one. He doesn’t have a face, but I don’t even care. SO CUTE.)
Step 8: Appreciate still having all your fingers.
Step 9: Eat your apple swan.
Guess I know what I’m doing for my next dinner party: fancy napkins and fruit animals! This blog is really upping the expectations for classy shindigs.